When love is not enough: myths of Muslim marriage

When love is not enough: myths of Muslim marriage
by. Hosai Mojaddidi & Dr. Nafisa Sekandari

According to a Soundvision survey conducted in 2010: “If you attended six Muslim weddings this summer, chances are that two will end up in divorce sooner or later!” That might sound like a shocking statistic, but sadly, right now I can think of two recent marriages that are already on the verge of divorce.

So according to this study, as of the late 1990s, the North American Muslim divorce rate stands at 31.14 percent. Incompatibility was the most cited reason for divorce (16.38%), followed by abuse (13.12%), financial disputes (10.41%), family / in-laws interference (10.20%), sexual infidelity / adultery (8.79%), and others.

When they added the results of “religious incompatibility” to the general “incompatibility” factor, it came out to 25.71%. So, basically 1/3 of our marriages are ending in divorce and 1/4th of those are because of incompatibility, specifically, religious incompatibility.

So what does this mean? Clearly, there is a problem in our marriage selection process when a third of our marriages are falling apart.

In my experience over the past 15 years, talking with Muslim couples from all different backgrounds and ages, I believe there are other, underlying reasons, that further explain why our marriages are falling apart.

For example, there is a major generational disparity between the youth and the elders of our community regarding what defines an “ideal” partner and a happy marriage. The youth have their criteria and the elders have theirs and as the saying goes, “never the twain shall meet!”

Let’s start with the youth. Unfortunately, many of our youth have been affected by what is called “The Love Delusion,” which one article describes as:

“The root of any romance today is love, but it wasn’t always so. In past cultures, people came together because their parents arranged it or they wanted to join lands or kingdoms; love was secondary. Today, love is the only thing that matters. This over-emphasis on love is encouraged by media that tells stories, sings songs and writes books about how true love conquers all, is ultimately fulfilling, brings a never-ending wealth of happiness and is rarely marred by significant conflict.“

People caught up in this are deluded by the characters created by Hollywood & Bollywood, characters like: the “Knight in Shining Armor,” the “Filmi Hero,” the “Bad Boy,” the “Rebel Without a Cause,” the “Girl Next Door,” and the “Girl Who Plays Hard to Get”.

They’re also deluded by the Hollywood notion of what “true love” is and how you’re supposed to feel when you find “The One.” We’ve all seen the dramatic scenes that associate a chemical or visceral reaction with “true love,”…you know the sweaty palms, the heart palpitations, the shortness of breath, and fainting, etc. So basically, the idea that they continue to bombard us with through film, songs, media, etc., is that until or unless you feel these things, you haven’t really found “true love.”

The reality is that the youth of our community are plagued by these destructive and unrealistic thoughts. If you don’t believe me, just look at Facebook, Twitter, or Myspace and see what people are preoccupied with.

I’ve actually heard from sisters, who have said to me, “Sister Hosai, he’s an amazing guy, I know he’ll be a wonderful husband and father, and I have no complaints otherwise…it’s just…it’s just that I don’t feel butterflies when I’m around him!” or “We don’t have any ‘chemistry.’” or …”He’s TOO nice and that turns me off!”

These are girls who are practicing their faith, they’re pious sisters otherwise, but they actually have turned away prospects for “being too nice”! Why? Because “nice guys” finish last in Hollywood, don’t they? They’re often portrayed as the weak, nerdy, geeky types; in other words, the monogamous ones who actually want a relationship! Who wants that when the “Hero” of the film drives up in a leather jacket on a motorcycle and has all the girls swooning over him? Yeah that guy is real marriage material!

Sadly, in many cases, these are the same sisters who are so trapped in the “Love Delusion” they’re willing to wait in line for hours to watch the next film in the Twilight Series or the latest Shahrukh Khan flick at Naz Cinema in Fremont.

And of course, some of our brothers have also been trapped by the “Love Delusion.” They are the ones who are so focused on physicality that if a girl doesn’t have a certain “look” then she isn’t attractive enough; she’s not “his type”. And what is this type? You know, the airbrushed face, the tall and photo-shopped physique, the fake extensions and nails. Basically, the altered and unreal images splattered across magazine covers, billboards, music videos, etc.

In fact I’ve actually had brothers ask me to find them, and I quote, “A Muslim Kim Kardashian”! What on earth does that even mean? She is the epitomy of everything a Muslim woman should NOT be! If you don’t know who she is, then consider yourself very lucky.

Now, in all seriousness, it’s important to mention that of course attraction and compatibility are important. However, when you have unrealistic expectations and wont even consider talking to someone who doesn’t look or act like a figment of your imagination, then clearly there is a problem.

So to summarize, the “Love Delusion” is the first problem. The second problem is with our elders, especially those from immigrant backgrounds, who have an entirely different, and in many cases a much more destructive issue; many of them have very fixed and rigid prejudices, often borrowed from their cultures and customs, that influence the way they select partners for their children.

Sadly, many of these elders are active community members, religiously devoted, and knowledgeable and yet, they may or may not be aware of it, but they hold some of the most distorted views and prejudices imaginable when it comes to marriage, views that have absolutely no basis in Islam.

Why is this so?

Because, if it wasn’t clear before, it should be now, that we have a very serious crisis in our community in our understanding of marriage and how to select the ideal partner. There’s been a major departure from the Islamic standard as people continue to prefer their own individual or cultural standards instead. We cannot allow things to continue as they have been. We need to completely reform our current understanding of what constitutes a good marriage and reassess the criteria with which we select spouses. Because clearly, as the title of this talk states, love alone is not enough, and neither is lust or any other superficial thing for that matter.

So what defines a successful marriage?

Successful marriages are built on solid foundations. In order to learn these things, we need to return to the Prophetic example and see what the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) did in his own life and what he taught others about marriage. He is the perfect example in every way and his standards should be our standards.

We must first begin by starting backwards and trying to undo the harm caused by our distorted views. So once we learn what he taught us about how to marry we can then extrapolate what he didn’t teach us.

For example, he didn’t teach us to worry about:
- The shade or color of someone’s skin…
- Or whether one speaks Fus-ha or has a Khaleeji, Shammi, or Masri accent.
- Or whether one is Punjabi vs. Memon, or Kandahari vs. Kabuli…
- Or whether one has a Bachelor’s degree or a Master’s degree
- Or whether one is a car salesman’ or a doctor
- Or whether one has green eyes or brown eyes
- Or whether one is balding or has straight hair vs. curly
- Or whether one is 21, 31, or 41…
- Or whether one has been engaged before or married…

The bottom line is, that no matter how much importance we may give to these things based on our perception of what will make us happy, and it really is just a perception, we will never be happy.

There’s a video of a Professor of Psychology from Harvard, by the name of Dan Gilbert, called, “Why Are We Happy?” In the video he describes the human adaptation of being able to simulate experiences by just simply creating them in our mind. For example, he jokingly describes how Ben & Jerry’s doesn’t have “liver-and-onion” ice cream, not because they whipped some up and said yuck, but because you can simulate the flavor and imagine that it wouldn’t taste very good. This ability that we have, although very useful, comes with a glitch. It’s called the “impact bias” which he describes as, “the tendency for the simulator to work badly. For the simulator to make you believe that different outcomes are more different than in fact they really are.”

So, we do this right? We all simulate happiness and misery, especially when it comes to marriage. Some of us, before we got married or before our children grew up, we already ruled out certain groups of people as potential spouses. Based entirely on our PERCEPTION of what certain unions would be like or what type of a spouse a certain person would be, we discriminate. Without any experience at all and based entirely on our ideas, we presume to know what is good enough for our son or daughters. How many people have come to learn the hard way that none of these things matter? That none of our superficial or material preferences have any importance in determining happiness if we have not first and above all else considered the content of someone’s character.

After all, if education or financial status were among the most important criteria, what do you say about our Beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) who was unlettered and left this earth without even enough oil to light his lamp on his deathbed? Aisha (may God be pleased with her) had to borrow oil for the lamp as he lay passing! If he was unlettered, is a brother to be looked down upon simply because he did not pursue his graduate studies or did not complete his studies in order to pursue a trade or a skill or to study the sacred sciences?

Or if a sister was previously married, what do you say about some of the wives of the Prophet (peace be upon him)? If they were good enough for the Best of Creation (peace be upon him) despite having been married before, who are you? Is such a sister not good enough for you? Do you have the right to caste her aside or dismiss her for your son, brother or grandson, because simply put she’s not a virgin?!

Are we not better than this? Are we not better than who we have become?

Every single day, there are sisters in our community who are suffering, by God they are suffering. I can’t tell you how many emails, phone calls, and meetings I have personally had over the years–stories that would break your heart–from sisters who are LONELY and wondering what defect they have because they cannot seem to get married! I deal with this almost on a weekly basis. And if you don’t believe me, go to any matrimonial gathering at any of these conferences, ISNA, RIS, the MCA, and see the disproportionate number of sisters to brothers. Please brothers and sisters, understand that this is a serious crisis in our community!

Many of these sisters have either been humiliated and marginalized or completely overlooked because they are either too dark, too short, too heavy, too old, married before or engaged, not educated enough or too educated, from a lower “class”, or a culture that is apparently too inferior. Nothing seems to be good enough anymore, so the question we must ask ourselves is: whose standards are we trying to meet?

I’ve also received emails from brothers who feel helpless because they want to marry a girl of their choice, but their parents disapprove of her because again, somehow she doesn’t seem to fit their skewed “criteria.” So what happens? Brothers are either conditioned early on to rule out sisters from certain groups as we mentioned before or they are cornered by guilt, threats, and ultimatums. In both cases they become part of the problem and the cycle continues.

Many of our youth feel helpless, but I have to speak today on behalf of the sisters, because from what I’ve observed they are the ones that are truly suffering. And believe me when I say that for many sisters, because of fear of being alone, their standards have drastically declined. Many of them have reached the end of the rope. I know several sisters who have considered and even married non-Muslims to avoid being alone because they feel the Muslim community has banished them completely when it comes to marriage.

Is this what we’ve come to? How can we stand by and let this happen?

So, dear brothers and sisters, I appeal to all of you and I remind myself first and foremost that we will be asked. In other words, our displays of racism, ageism, classism, whether they are outward or subtle, should not be taken lightly because Allah (swt) is a witness to everything.

Love alone is not enough to sustain a marriage, and neither is material wealth, beauty, lineage, etc. Yes, you can marry for those reasons as the hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him) permits us to but we shouldn’t expect that those things are enough to keep us happy. To truly heed his advice, we must look for sincerity of faith above everything else.

The person we should wish to marry or we should wish for our sons and daughters is the one who we are confident isn’t just there to enjoy the ride when the waters are calm but who will not abandon the ship when the storm clouds appear.

Let us learn from the example of the bond between the Mothers of the Believers (may God be pleased with them) and the Prophet (peace be upon him). Let us remember Khadija & Aisha (may God be pleased with them both) and all of his wives. Let us remember that every one of his marriages were purely for the sake of Allah (swt); He was at the center, He was the goal. This was the example of the Prophet (peace be upon him). May we follow in his mubarak footsteps and not be among those who stray and prefer our own path to his.

*This article was adapted from a presentation Sr. Hosai Mojaddidi prepared for the Grand Mawlid event, held February 5th, 2012 in Santa Clara, California.

You're Forgiven,Move On! | That's Messed Up! | Nouman Ali Khan (English)

Salam Alikum wa Rahmatu-Allah, Adullah
 Wa-alikum Assalam

What's going on, man? You wanted to talk to me about one of your friends, or something

Yeah, I was playing ball with a guy

And afterwards, we did the whole Eid Mubarak thing but he felt like he could not even celebrate Eid because he felt like he had done some things in his past and that that had kind of taken him too far and everyone around him was making him feel bad, like there was no hope. I tried to talk to him but at some point I don't know

I meet a lot of these people, but subhanallah
We are far more merciless towards people, and it's ironic, we expect all this mercy from Allah for ourselves and we don't give any of it to people.
So those people mess up, fine
some people do Haram things, some people do like epic,
Super, Extra, Haram squared things

And other people find out about it, and they will say things like
Oh you will never be forgiven, Allah is never going to forgive you, dude!
You, forget it! you are so going to hell!

and that kind of thing, and you hear that enough times, you get guilt-tripped enough times you start believing it. but the problem is if you start believing that you are not going to be forgiven then you really have no motivation left to do anything good in your life
like, why would you
I mean, why would I even pray?
I'm going to go hell anyway!
Why would I care about my parents? why would I speak the truth? why would I stay away from more Haram? it does not matter anymore, anyway
I am already done.
Yeah, just add it on!

you know how much worse can it already get? that kind of a thing so when I try to talk to people about this state which is not something easy to pull out of

so you can give a reminder because Allah said "Remind! remind!
It will have its own benefit. It will give some benefit

But this is something that has be done like, reinforced. That is why "Remind!" is mentioned
you can't just tell someone a good thing once You gotta, like stay with people like that.

like a lot of people say "I watch your videos, I watched that same video like ten times",
I was like "yeah, I hoped that helped" because, somethings you need to hear over and over again you can't just hear it once, right?

One time I was telling somebody to have hope, and I said "let me tell you about Musa (pbuh)
and she stopped me, she goes "No, no, no! but those are prophets!
those are such awesome people!

you know I'm messed up! I made so many mistakes, so give me something I can relate to."

and I was like, "hold on a second, I'm going to tell you about Musa before he was a prophet, not after, but before he was a prophet he kinda, sorta, (pbuh) did mess up, a little bit"
She's like "Whaaatt?!
prophet?! messed up?!"

I said "Yeah, he got upset and he punched a guy and,he kinda died

and then he was wanted for murder in Egypt, and there was an order to kill him on sight, and he had to kinda run away and he was as a fugitive from the law

I mean, I am sure you have done something bad
but murder?
that is pretty big

Is that relevant?! maybe if we can see how he can find hope
maybe we can use that to find hope ourselves

So it is important to know he was not a prophet yet, because if he is a prophet then he talks to Allah and Allah talks to him, yes?
but if he is not a prophet, he talks to Allah but Allah does not yet talk to him, just like us

We talk to Allah all the time, we pray all the time, but Allah does not talk back to us so we ask forgiveness, but we do not get a message from Allah saying you are forgiven, so we do not know where it stands

so now, what is awesome about his story
is that as soon as he punched the guy and he died, and he said that "this is from the work of Satan,
he turned to Allah and said, "Master, I have wronged myself"
he admitted that he did something wrong
"forgive me"
"forgive me" OK
does Allah talk to him? no, because he is not a prophet yet but the Ayah of the Quran says "Therefore, He forgave him"

the Ayah says Therefore, He forgave him", so "forgive me!"

"Therefore, He forgave him"
and the letter "Faa'" in Arabic is for: Therefore (Sababyiah)
It's also for immediacy so therefore he forgave him immediately

And then he says, and you would read that,
and go "wait! just like that?
he killed someone!"
and he didn't, like, grovel and beg for an apology for years and years and years
"Oh Allah, Am I forgiven or not? What's gonna happen?"

He asked Allah immediately sincerely, "I have made a huge mistake, forgive me" and how long before the forgiveness arrives? It's done
and if you are doubting it
the ayah ends 'There is no doubt about it, He is the Extremely Forgiving, always Loving and Merciful"

You can get murder forgiven if it was a sincere mistake and you sincerely turn to Allah
that what happens with Musa (pbuh)

I'm not suggesting somebody go do murder
what I am saying is that, probably your mistake is not that big
it is not that big

You know, killing someone is probably one of the highest sins against humanity,why?
because Allah says "If you killed one person, It is as though you have killed humanity all together"

why is that? I mean, think about the logic behind it.
if you kill one person
that's one person, there is billion of people, so how is it the same as killing all humanity?
imagine someone killed Adam
what happens? there is no humanity left

this person has entire future generation of people under him and all human being are direct descendants of Adam so they have the same status of Adam (pbuh)

So, murder is not a small deal and yet Allah will leave the door open even for that level of crime, imagine!

So there might be somebody, like, one day there is somebody who becomes Muslim who did commit murder, who was in jail or something for committing murder and he's thinking that "Allah will never forgive me"
well, he should read Musa (pbuh) story

you can be as great, I mean,
he is, after being that...
and you know what? every body in Egypt thinks of him as what?
A killer, a criminal, a fugitive

And Allah raises him to the level of a prophet and the most mentioned prophet in the Quran
think about that

To you think you have made a mistake and it is over for you

Yes maybe in the eyes of people, because people are cheap with their forgiveness, Allah is not
Allah gives., HE's just waiting for you to ask genuinely

so, if people just sincerely ask Allah to forgive them, turn around
and by the way he did not ask for forgiveness, he says, and here is the really cool part
so, OK, fine, Allah forgave immediately but I kept saying Allah does not talk to him

so does he know that Allah forgave him?
No. but in the very next Ayah
he says "Master, because the favor you have done to me, I will never back up criminals again"
wait, what favor did Allah do to him?

He just killed somebody, asked for forgiveness because he got conned by the other guy , he backed up the criminal so he punched the wrong guy and now he says
"Because of the favor you did to me, I will never back up a criminal again" so what is the favor? the favor is forgiveness. but then the question is
How does he know about the forgiveness?
Allah does not talk to him, you know what we are learning here?

If you are a sincere believer in Allah, you do not need revelation from Allah, like an angel coming and telling you "you are forgiven"

When you sincerely ask for forgiveness
You should actually have no doubt  whatsoever
That forgiveness came, it is a matter of fact
Tt is not a matter of assumption

Not to a believer and since he is a believer, he does not have to be a prophet to know that, he just knows it subhanallah, so you do not have to like "I wonder if Allah forgave me?"

The only thing you should wonder is was my apology and was my seeking of forgiveness sincere? was it genuine? was it heartfelt? if it was then you have your answer

=Abdullah: and then you still have to deal with the people around

Yeah, you have to deal with the consequences and all of that and that's easy because once you have Allah's forgiveness then Allah makes dealing with the consequences easy because now Allah is on your side

When you have not sought Allah's forgiveness then you do not have Allah on your side because you abandoned HIM

Apologize to HIM first, and then, yes, you will have to deal with the wrong you have done to other people but HE will help you deal with it, HE will help you make right out of the wrong as best you possibly can so people like that should have hope insha'Allah

And you know, be encouraging and kinda slip things here and there. Don't give up on people like that,
and do not let them kinda fade away because usually when they get depressed like that, they stop showing up to play ball or whatever and you do not see then anymore.

And you are like I wonder what happened and you hear even more messed up things about them, you know
so kind of stay in touch, maybe drop a text message kinda reach out to them just every once in a while

You do not have to give them this lecture, you just kind of like just throw in a few good words of encouragement here and there and it will help insha'Allah
Thank you very much.

To Cover or Not? (BerHijab atau Tidak?) | That's Messed Up! | Nouman Ali Khan

To Cover or Not? (BerHijab atau Tidak?) | That's Messed Up!  | Nouman Ali Khan

Diterjemahkan Oleh: Pembelajar Quran Channel
Youtube.com/c/PembelajarQuranChannel
Pembelajar-Quran.blogspot.com

Assalam Alaikum Ustadh Nouman
Wa'alaikum Assalam, Abdullah, Bagaimana kabarnya?

Baik baik apalagi sekarang ketemu anda, sedang sibuk apa sekarang?

Tidak banyak

bung, aku capek

Anda ada trip minggu ini, kan?

Tidak, tidak minggu ini, trip-nya masih nanti-nanti, saya masih sibuk dengan persiapan beberapa program dan lainnya
Terutama setelah kelas minggu ini, ada beberapa e-mail datang *erangan *
Jadi begini, ada satu e-mail,Wanita ini  mengirim e-mail,e-mail yang sangat panjang tentang bagaimana dia membaca bahwa Al-Qur'an tidak pernah berbicara tentang menutupi kepala.Tentunya ini bukan suatu hal yang kacau
Tapi dia bilang saya membaca ayat,dan saya membaca apa yang tertulis dalam Surah 24, Surah Annuur memiliki ayat yang menggunakan kata 'Khimar' untuk 'kerudung' dan saya lihat kamus makna "khimar", ternyata artinya adalah sesuatu yang seperti selendang atau syal.Jadi Quran tidak pernah menyampaikan apapun tentang menutupi kepala

Dan saya mulai berpikir, apa ini suatu kebingungan umum ? atau hanya e-mail ini saja? dan ternyata saya temukan bahwa pemahaman ini sangat umum

Sepertinya banyak orang berpikir, Ayat ini tidak berbicara tentang menutupi kepala.Ini adalah kebingungan publik yang sangat umum, yang ternyata saya tidak tahu
Hal yang ingin saya lakukan adalah menjelaskan ini dengan benar.Saya tidak tertarik untuk menyuruh-nyuruh orang mengenakan hijab, itu keputusan mereka.Namun, jika ada sesuatu yang dikatakan tentang Al Quran, kita harus bicara jujur

Dan ada orang-orang yang ingin memutarbalikkan makna dari yang disebutkan dalam Quran dan juga ada orang yang benar-benar bingung, yang sama sekali tidak tahu makna sebenarnya

Saya lebih baik beranggapan bahwa siapa saja yang dalam kebingungan ini, mereka betul-betul tidak tahu atau apa pun yang mereka baca sampai mereka berfikir seperti ini.Saya tidak suka beanggapan mereka itu jahat, atau punya agenda tertentu atau aliran sesat atau apa pun

Hal menakjubkan dari bahasa Arab, adalah untuk kata "menutupi kepala" saja, ada sembilan kata berbeda dan salah satunya 'Khimar'
Jadi ada kata seperti 'Miknaah' dan 'Mighfar' dan kata lainnya dan itu tergantung pada sampai mana panjangnya dia menutup kepala
apakah sampai sini, sini atau sini.

Dan dalam bahasa Arab lama, kata 'Khimar' yang digunakan dalam Al-Qur'an,kamu dan saya tahu, kita biasanya menggunakan kata 'Hijab'.'Hijab' sebenarnya bukan kata untuk penutup kepala
Ini sebenarnya sebuah kata untuk "penghalang", seperti dinding bisa menjadi Hijab, tirai bisa menjadi Hijab.Jadi akhir-akhir ini saja istilah 'Hijab' digunakan untuk menutup kepala, tapi itu bukan kata dalam Al-Qur'an, juga bukan kata yang dipakai orang Arab dulu

Jadi kata tersebut 'Khimar'
Khimar sendiri mencakup makna untuk menutup kepala dan hal lain
Dan kata ini digunakan sebelum Islam
Para pria dulunya juga memakai Khimar
Salah satu nama untuk turban mereka, yang ekstra panjang yang panjangnya sampai perut.Orang-orang juga biasa menyebutnya Khimar

Dan perempuan punya mode yang berbeda, wanita sebelum Islam biasa pakai adalah sejenis bandana yang mereka pakai menutupi kepala dan diikat ke belakang dengan rambut ekor kuda mereka dan panjangnya sampai tengah punggung mereka.Jadi nantinyatidak akan jatuh ke depan, tapi akan jatuh di punggung mereka.Ini juga disebut Khimar

Dan Al-Qur'an mengatakan bahwa mereka harus memakai Khimar mereka dan membuatnya menutupi bagian depan mereka

Dengan kata lain, satu-satunya perbedaan adalah, tetap pakai Khimar, yang mana penutup kepala sudah termasuk dalam artinya
yang berbeda adalah tambahan perintah untuk menutupi bagian depan juga.Dan itu harus dengan panjang tertentu, itu artinya

Namun seseorang berpendapat: Tidak, tidak, kata Khimar maknanya hanya syal/selendang, bukan penutup kepala

Apa kamu akrab dengan kata 'Khamr'? kamu tahu artinya?
Apakah itu Alkohol?
Alkohol, tepat
Apa kamu tahu kenapa itu disebut 'Khamr'?karena itu mengacaukan kepalamu,memblokir kemampuan berfikirmu
'Khamar' secara harfiah berarti untuk menutupi

Dan disebut Khamr karena mengacaukan pikiran Anda dan menciptakan blok dalam pikiran Anda,Ini seolah-olah kepala Anda ditutupi sesuatu

Ini bagian dari arti kata, kita bahkan tidak berbicara tentang maknanya dalam Islam

Kita bicara hanya tentang bahasa Arab
Pada masa itu, saat mereka melihat, kuda memiliki warna aneh, seperti dari leher dan seterusnya berwarna putih dan sisanya berwarna coklat.Mereka akan bilang kuda ini adalah 'Mutakhammer'
yang artinya kuda ini memakai Khimar

Jadi bagaimana Anda jelaskan kuda ini?
Kuda ini tidak memakai syal kan?
Karena belang putih itu panjang dan menutupi kepalanya sampai ke leher terus ke bawah, jadi itu sebabnya mereka menyebutnya Khimar,Ini sudah ada dalam bahasanya

Tapi itu sangat disayangkan ketika mereka bilang bahwa mereka harus menarik selendang mereka ke dada mereka, itu yang dicantumkan oleh beberapa terjemahan

Nah, selendang bisa menjadi syal, bisa jenis kain lainnya
Dan itu sama sekali tidak termasuk penutup kepala
Tapi kata Arab tidak

Jadi, saya merasa kebanyakan kebingungan ini terjadi karena orang tidak terlalu memperhatikan bahasa aslinya.Dan juga kebanyakan terjemahan terlalu menyederhanakan maknanya.Dan itulah sebabnya kebanyakan  kita menyimpulkannya secara salah

Tapi saya berpikir bahwa saat kita berbicara tentang semua ini.Seseorang akan marah dan mengatakan: Siapa kamu menyuruh-nyuruh saya harus memakai ini atau itu?
Saya bukan siapa pun yang menyuruh-nyuruh Anda apapun
Tapi saya ingin agar orang-orang tahu, oke ini adalah kata dalam Al-Qur'an, dan begini makna sebenarnya dalam bahasa Arab
Dan jika kamu berpikir ada bukti yang lebih baik, jika kamu berpikir ada makna lain dalam bahasa Arab, maka mungkin kamu harus memberitahu saya
Saya tidak tahu, mungkin aku harus membahas tentang itu lain hari
Barak Allahu Feek, kita ketemu lagi di kesempatan berikutnya, InShaa Allah

Apakah Mengurus Mertua Bagian dari Tanggung Jawab Istri dalam Islam ? | Q&A Nouman Ali Khan

Apakah Mengurus Mertua Bagian dari Tanggung Jawab Istri dalam Islam ? | Q&A Nouman Ali Khan | Indonesia Subtitle
Diterjemahkan Oleh: Pembelajar Quran Saluran
http://Youtube.com/C/PembelajarQuranChannel
http://Pembelajar-Quran.blogspot.com


Assalamu'alaykum semuanya,
Selama Teluk Tour saya menerima beberapa surah, dan ini adalah salah satunya
Saya seorang non muslim yang bekerja di Kuwait selama beberapa tahun dan saya sudah sangat dekat untuk menerima Islam karena saya terkesan oleh rekan muslim yang sangat saleh dan ingin menikah dengannya jadi saya ingin belajar lebih banyak tentang Islam

Orang yang saya sukai ini adalah seorang Pakistan dan untuk mengenal budaya nya saya pun dekat dengan rekan perempuan lain yang muslim yang menikah dengan keluarga Pakistan

Saya sedang belajar tentang Islam dan Al-Quran di mana hak-hak seorang istri yang begitu mengesankan dan penuh kesetaraan tetapi ketika saya melihat kehidupan teman wanita saya, dimana dia diminta untuk melakukan begitu banyak pekerjaan oleh mertuanya dan juga dipaksa oleh suaminya untuk merawat ibu mertuanya dan ibu mertuanya menyiksanya dengan menciptakan banyak pertengkaran antara dia dan suaminya juga saudara iparnya memintanya bekerja seperti layaknya pembantu sepanjang waktu

Suaminya sangat keras dan saya melihat banyak ketidakadilan di mana si suami sering mengancam untuk meninggalkan dia jika dia tidak mendengarkan dan melakukan apa yang inginkan mertua dan iparnya

Jika ini adalah Islam maka saya bingung untuk menjadi seorang muslim, apa saran Anda?

Ini sebenarnya bukan pertama kalinya saya mendapat pertanyaan seperti ini, banyak orang yang bertanya kepada saya yang bertanya tentang hak-hak perempuan terutama yang berkaitan dengan mertua dan ipar. Itu adalah subjek yang rumit tapi saya ingin menjelaskan beberapa hal mendasar agar bisa diapahami oleh semuanya dan untuk saudari yang mengajukan pertanyaan, pertama-tama terima kasih untuk pertanyaan Anda

Karena menurut saya, bukan hanya Anda, tapi juga banyak orang yang dapat mengambil manfaat insya Allahu ta'ala. Hal penting pertama adalah dalam Islam setiap hubungan yang kita miliki dilengkapi dengan hak dan tanggung jawab sehingga sebagai laki-laki misalnya, saya punya kewajiban tertentu kepada istri saya seperti dia juga punya kewajiban tertentu pada saya dan saya juga memiliki kewajiban kepada orang tua saya seperti mereka juga punya kewajiban sebagai orangtua dan mereka juga memiliki hak tertentu yang harus saya penuhi dan demikian juga dengan saya

Sekarang prinsipnya adalah bahwa Anda tidak bisa membiarkan hak siapa pun dalam suatu hubungan, untuk menciptakan ketidakadilan atas hak orang lain

Bagaimana Anda menyeimbangkan semua ini bersama-sama?

Khususnya kita berbicara tentang suami, istri, mertua dan ipar

Bagi saya sebagai anak, saya berutang ketaatan pada orangtuaku, saya wajib menghormati mereka, berbuat baik pada mereka, saya juga berusaha untuk memenuhi apa yang mereka minta kecuali hal-hal yang tidak sesuai dengan ajaran Islam atau mereka meminta saya untuk melanggar perintah Allah, saya pasti akan tolak, Jadi seharusnya saya tidak memiliki keberatan mematuhi mereka dalam setiap hal

Namun berbeda dengan istri saya, istri saya hanya wajib menghormati mereka, dan bersikap santun pada mereka tetapi istri saya tidak memiliki kewajiban untuk taat ,melayani dan mengurusi mereka dan jika saya mengharapkan dari istri saya untuk melayani orang tua saya, itu sebenarnya sebuah ketidakadilan pada istri saya, dia punya kewajiban untuk melayani orangtuanya sendiri, dia punya orang tua sendiri

Sementara ini bukan orangtuanya, ini adalah orang tua Anda

Berbicara fakta, ikatan darah itu berbeda dengan ikatan pernikahan sehingga sebagai suami, anda mengharapkan istri untuk melayani orang tua Anda. Ini sebenarnya bentuk ketidakadilan, dan itu bukan sesuatu yang diizinkan dalam Islam.

Beberapa orang mengatakan, baik Anda harus mematuhi apapun yang dikatakan suami anda, itu tidak sepenuhnya benar. Anda tidak boleh mematuhi siapapun manusianya dengan syarat "Apapun yang dia katakan"

Saya bahkan tidak bisa mematuhi orang tua saya apapun yang mereka katakan jika ayah saya memberitahu saya untuk mengambil pinjaman mahasiswa dengan bunga, saya tidak akan melakukannya. Saya tidak bisa, itu ketidaktaatan kepada Allah. Aku tidak akan melakukannya, karena sebenarnya kadang-kadang Anda harus melakukan ketidaktaatan pada orang tua Anda, jika mereka bersikap tidak masuk akal

Itu harus terjadi kadang-kadang, Anda tahu ayahmu memintamu untuk mengambil pinjaman walaupun itu bukan pinjaman berbasis bunga atau dia mencoba untuk meminta Anda untuk masuk ke bisnis yang Anda tahu itu akan gagal. Anda tahu dengan yakin itu tidak akan berhasil, tapi dia ingin Anda untuk mengambil semua tabungan hidup Anda dan menempatkannya dalam bisnis itu. Jadi Anda tidak mendengarkan Ayah Anda dalam situasi seperti itu

Itu bukan ketidaktaatan kepada ayah Anda, bukan seperti itu bentuk taat pada orang tua

Fakta lainnya, ketaatan kita kepada orang tua kita adalah dalam sultu lingkaran alasan dan tentu saja saat kita tidak mematuhi mereka, Anda tahu, bukan berarti kita di luar batas-batas hormat dalam melayani mereka dan tentu saja bahkan saat mereka meminta hal-hal yang sulit pada kita, kita masih tetap harus mematuhinya bahkan saat mereka  bersikap sangat sulit pada kita. Tetapi saat mereka bersikap sesuatu yang sangat tidak masuk akal, atau akan menempatkan orang lain dalam kesulitan

Contoh kasus yang saya berikan tadi, jika saya mengosongkan semua tabungan saya atau semua aset saya dan memberinya ke bisnis yang mereka inginkan saya ikuti yang saya tahu bisnis itu tidak akan berhasil, hanya karena saya ingin memenuhi permintaan mereka

Maka saya akan menempatkan anak-anak saya dalam kesulitan, saya akan menempatkan istri saya dalam kesulitan, saya akan menempatkan orang lain yang bergantung pada saya dalam kesulitan

Saya tidak bisa melakukan itu, mereka dapat melakukan apapun yang mereka inginkan dengan saya, tetapi mereka tidak bisa membuat saya untuk melakukan ketidakadilan kepada orang lain

itu bukan cara kerjanya, maka jika ada keluarga yang memaksa suami untuk memiliki satu akun rekening dan orang tua yang menjadi co-signer pada akun rekening itu dan istri hanya mendapat sekitar upah 20 jam bekerja setiap minggu atau sesuatu, itu bukan cara kerja yang baik, Anda tidak bisa melakukan itu

Anda saat ini bisa memiliki istri Anda, Anda menikahinya, Anda mengambil dari ayahnya untuk menjadi wali nya dan Anda sekarang memiliki tanggung jawab untuk mengurusnya seperti tanggung jawab ayahnya dulu dan sekarang anda malah memperlakukannya seperti warga kelas dua di dalam rumah atau memperlakukannya seperti pembantu untuk orang tua Anda atau saudara Anda atau orang lain, ini semua benar-benar tidak masuk akal dan konyol sekali

Dan ini adalah salah satu hal yang Anda dan saya akan ditanya tentang pada hari kiamat, namun di sisi lain ada ekstrim yang berbeda, di satu ekstrim Anda telah Anda tahu tentang menantu yang berubah menjadi pembantu yang benar-benar tidak masuk akal dan konyol dan tidak dapat diterima dalam Islam

Namun di sisi lain, Anda memiliki orang-orang yang seorang istri atau bahkan seorang suami yang benar-benar bersikap jahat kepada mertua mereka dan tidak mau berurusan dengan mereka

Aku tidak ingin melihat wajah mereka, aku tidak ingin mereka datang, aku tidak ingin pergi ke rumah ibumu, aku tidak ingin kamu berbicara dengannya sampai kapanpun, aku membencinya, aku tidak tahan dengannya dll

Seseorang yang bersikap sangat jauh secara ekstrim dari keluarga suami Anda

Anda tahu, ini juga merupakan ekstrim, ini adalah bentuk ketidakadilan juga. mereka adalah orang tuanya, mereka memiliki hak atas dirinya. Mereka harus dapat melihat cucu-cucu mereka, mereka harus mampu untuk datang dan tidak khawatir tentang terjadi perkelahian, Anda tahu, Anda sering kali terlihat marah dan tidak suka atas kehadiran mereka, sekarang ketidakadilan justru yang Anda lakukan karena jika Anda mencintai suami Anda, setidaknya Anda harus menunjukkan rasa hormat kepada keluarganya, sopan dan hormat, hanya itu, tapi suami anda tidak bisa memaksa hal ini pada Anda, ini harus datang dari Anda. Sikap hormat dan sopan ini adalah sikap yang harus dimiliki setiap muslim terhadap setiap muslim lainnya, terutama berbicara tentang orang-orang dibawa bersama sebagai keluarga

Anda tahu kita seharusnya menjadi yang terbaik yang kita bisa terhadap anggota keluarga kita, ya komplikasi sering terjadi dan terutama untuk situasi Joint Family (beberapa keluarga tinggal dalam satu rumah), yang tentunya situasi yang sangat rumit

Anda tahu antara budaya lain dan budaya DC pada khususnya ini adalah sesuatu yang kita tekankan, seperti banyak orang yang hidup di bawah satu atap dan Anda tahu keuangan dikontrol oleh orang tua dan Anda tahu putri menantu harus melakukan ini dan itu untuk menjadi istri yang baik dan harus berhadapan dengan banyak hal, kondisi ini tidak sesuai untuk banyak keluarga dan jika memang tidak sesuai, Anda tahu , kaum istri  saya tidak meminta Anda untuk meminta cerai atau sesuatu seperti itu, yang jelas hal seperti ini butuh dibicarakan, karena itu bukan Islam, bahkan jika Anda melakukannya sebagai keputusan keluarga, jangan bersembunyi di balik fakta bahwa ini adalah apa yang Islam inginkan

Itu bukan apa yang diinginkan Islam, itu yang diinginkan keluarga Anda. Itu adalah suatu istilah tertentu yang datangnya harus dari perbincangan sebagai sebuah keluarga

Allah Azza wa Jalla mengatakan "tsumma Latus alunna yaumaidzin 'Anin Na'im (QS.At-takatsur: 8), Anda akan ditanya tentang semua berkah dan ni'mat yang Anda nikmati. Dan istri yang saya miliki, anak-anak yang saya miliki, orang tua yang saya punya, Anda tahu semua berkat yang saat ini saya nikmati

Dan saya lebih baik bersikap dengan baik dan benar pada mereka jadi saya berdoa bahwa ini, Anda tahu, saya berharap setidaknya meredakan beberapa kekhawatiran bahwa ini ada hubungannya dengan Islam, itu sama sekali tidak.

Hal ini berkaitan dengan praktek-praktek budaya dan bagaimana bersikap pada perempuan dengan cara tertentu. Yang mana Quran, kitab Allah, tidak membenarkan hal ini, dan Sunnah saw nabi sungguh tidak membenarkan hal ini

Barokallaahu lii wa lakum wassalamu'alaykum warohmatullahi wa barokatuhu

Is Serving In Laws part of Wife's Responsibility in Islam ? Q&A Nouman Ali Khan

Assalamu'alaykum everyone

During the Gulf Tour I receive the number of letters, here is one of them, I'm a non muslim working in Kuwait for few years and I've been very close to accepting Islam as I was impressed by a very pious muslim colleague and wants to marry him so I want to learn more about Islam

The man I like is a Pakistani brother and to know his culture I got close to another muslim female colleague who is married to a Pakistani family, I'm studying about Islam and the Quran where the rights of a wife are so impressive and full of equity, but when I see my female friend's life she is asked to do so much work for her in laws as forced by her husband to take care her mother in law and the mother in law torture her a lot by creating fights between the couple also the sister in laws are expecting her to work like a maid all the time, her husband is very strict and I see a lot of injustice where he threatens her of leaving her if she doesn't listen and do what in laws want

If this is Islam then I'm confuse about becoming a muslim, what's your advice ?

This is actually not the first time I got a question like this one bunch of people who ask me question about the rights of women particularly having to do with in laws

It's a complicated subject but I wanna lay down a couple of basic things for everybody to understand and the sister who ask the question, first of all thank you for your question because it's not just you I think it's others can take benefits Insha Allahu ta'ala

The first thing is in Islam every relationship we have comes with rights and responsibility so as a man for instance, I owe certain obligations to my wife just like she owes me certain obligation and I also owe obligations to my parents just like they owe me, I have certain rights today that I have over them

Now the principle is that you cannot allow anyone relationship's rights to do injustice over anybody else's rights

How do you balance all of this together ? Specifically we're talking about a husband, wife and in laws

For me as a son, I owe my parents' obedience, I owe them respect, I owe them kindness, I owe them anything they ask really unless it's outside of default of Islam or they asking me to disobey Allah, i really don't, should not have any objection of obeying them in every matters however my wife owes them respects, owes them you know common courtesy but does not owes them obedience and me expecting from my wife to serve my parents, it's actually an injustice on my wife

She host her own parent service, she has parents of her own, these are not her parents, these are your parents

As a matter of a fact, the ties of blood are different  from the ties of marriage so to expect from the wife to serve your parents as a husband

It's actually a form of injustice, and it's not something Islamicly allowed. Some people say, well you have to obey your husband no matter what he says, that's not entirely true either.

You don't obey any human being with that disclamer no matter what they say

I can't even obey my parents no matter what they say, if my dad  was telling me to take a student loan with interest, I wouldn't take it, I can't, it's disobedience to Allah, I'm not gonna do it, as a matter of fact sometimes you have to even disobedience your parents, out of respect if they are being unreasonable

it has to happen sometimes, you know your father asks you to take a loan even it's not an interest based loan
or he's tried to ask you to go into a business which you know it's going to sink, you absolutely don't, you know guarantee it's not gonna fly, but He wants you to take all your life's saving and put them in that business, you're not listening to your Dad in that situation, it's not disobedience to your father, that's not how that works

As a matter of fact, our obedience to our parents is within the round of reasons and of course the thing that even when we disobey them you know, we don't disobey them at all ever outside the bounds of respect and of course even if things are difficult on us we should still obey them even if they're difficult on us but one day you know, when there's something completely unreasonable, or gonna put others in difficulty.

The example I just give you for instance, if I ruin all of my savings or all of my assets in some business that they want me to get into that I know won't work, then I want just be doing something they wanted me to do

I'll be putting my children in difficulty, I'll be putting my wife in difficulty, I'll be putting other people that depend on me in difficulty

I can't do that, they can do whatever they want with me but they cannot allow me to do injustice to anybody else, it's not how it works

Then there are family who force the husband to have one account right and the parents are co-signer on the account and the wife gets like 20 hour bill every week or something, that's not how it works either, you cannot do that

You can have your wife you married her, you took her from her father to become her wali and you owe her now the same responsibility her father used to owe her and now treat her like a second class citizen inside the house or maid to your parents or to your sisters or somebody else, this is all absolutely absurd ridiculous and this is one of the thing you and I are gonna be asked about on the Judgement day

On the other hand however there's the other extreme, on the one extreme you have you know daughter in laws being turned to maid which is absolutely absurd and ridiculous, unacceptable in Islam

And on the other hand, you have people that are wives or even husbands that are absolutely spiteful of their in laws and want nothing to do with them

I don't wanna see their face, I don't want them coming over, I don't wanna go to your mother's house, i don't wanna you talk to her ever, I hate her, I can't stand her etc etc

this overly extreme distance from your husband's family, you know, this is also an extreme, this is form of injustice too. those are his parents, they have rights over him, they should be able to see their grandkids, they should be able to come over and not worry about having a fight you know

are you like visibly looking upset at their presence, this is injustice now on your part because out of love of your husband, at the very least you should be showing courtesy to his family, courtesy and respect, that's all but he cannot force this things on you, this should come from you just these are things that by the way just to take the shocker away from all of this, these are attitudes that every muslim owes every other muslim by the way

What to speak of people that brought together by family, you know we're supposed to be the best we can be towards family member, yes this complication happen and especially joint family type situation which are certainly complicated situation and you know among other culture and DC's culture in particular this is something we emphasize like everybody living under one roof

And you know the finance being control by parents and you know the daughter having to do this and that in order to do be a good wife and put up with a lot of this stuff, this stuff doesn't work for a lot of families and if it doesn't work, you know the sisters I'm not asking you to break marriages or something like that, it certainly wants a conversation, because it's not islamic, even if you're doing it as a family decision, don't hide behind the fact that this is what Islam wants

It's not what Islam wants, it's what your family wants that's what you have to come to certain terms as a family

Allah Azza wa Jalla said "tsumma Latus alunna yaumaidzin 'anin na'im (QS.At-takatsur:8) , you're going to be asked all of good blessings you enjoyed and the wife I have, the children I have, the parents I have, you know all of these blessings I enjoy and I better do right by them so I pray that this you know hope alleviate at least some of the concern that this has to do with Islam, it really doesn't

It has to do with cultural practices and treatment of women in certain ways
That really the Quran, the book of Allah, does not justified, the Sunnah of the prophet pbuh absolutely does not justified

Barokallaahu lii wa lakum wassalamu'alaykum warohmatullahi wa barokatuhu

SUBSCRIBE to our Youtube Channel :

Pembelajar Quran Channel

http://Youtube.com/c/PembelajarQuranChannel

and visit our website : http://Pembelajar-Quran.blogspot.com

Why Does the Quran Refers to Allah as "He" | Nouman Ali Khan

Why Does the Quran Refer to Allah as “He”?  Nouman Ali Khan
https://www.youtube.com/c/PembelajarQuranChannel
http://pembelajar-quran.blogspot.com

Assalamu'alaykum everyone
During my Gulf Tour in Kuwait, I was giving a lecture and somebody ask a really cool question and I thought I should share the answer with everyone.

The question was that in reading the Quran you found the God use the word He for himself like He is the creator the sky and the earth or He is one, and the word He is obviously male so how can we use a male word for God eventhough Allah is beyond gender.

So that was a pretty cool question i thought  and so i decided to make this video and share with you some thoughts on how to address this problem.

First of all we have to understand that the Arabic language which differently than the English language.
In the English language you have three (3) options, you can use He or you can use She or you can use It
He obviously has male conotation, She has female conotation, It is beyond gender
So you would have the choice of It but the only problem is the word It is for inanimate object, It would be inappropriate for Allah because It necessity the assumption for non living things
None of those three options can truly do justice to the word for God
Now Allah chose, this kind of give me more confidence and remind me even more why Allah chose the Arabic language for His revelation

In the Arabic language things work very differently from English
First of foremorst they don't have the pronoun It, they only have He and She, Huwa and Hiya, there is no inanimate object pronoun. There is no gender neutral, there is no such things in the Arabic,

The second thing to note, in the Arabic, gramatically speaking the word He / Huwa serve 2 functions, now please pay attention to this part cause it gets a little tricky
It serves 2 functions, it serves the function of male and also serves the function of masculine
Actually before he even serves the function of male, its primary purpose is to communicate the masculine

The Arabs makes a distinction in their grammar between masculine and male, this is actually not that different from Spanish

you know when you have L, liberal and La, liberateca, they take inanimate object even and end it with a gender

a book is masculine and the library is feminine right, so in the Arabic language, the word Huwa can be use for things that have gender and things that don't have gender and to them, masculine is not actually about a biological gender, it's a grammatical concept

so a boy is actually a male but a tree is actually just it's an It, in Arabic syajaroh is feminine that doesn't mean tree is female, but to them tree is feminine similarly to the them the sun is feminine. Asy-Syams is feminine to them
Not because the tree, the sun, biologically female, so masculine and feminine are different from male and female

All questions assume because the English language uses word He for male
the Arabic equivalent Huwa must all to be use for male, it's not the case

it's actually use for masculine or for the male but still you know the question is why use the masculine anyway why not use the feminine ?

Here's where understanding Arabic linguistics and the overall sturucture Arabic language help

As an overview the Arabic Language is a contract has a certain principles that dictate how the whole languages organize. Those guidance principles, if that's the masculine, it's the default
it's kinda when you have like a word will remain masculine until there's a reason to consider it feminine. You don't get out of the masculine gender unless you have some grammatical reasons, so the fact that the masculine is use for Allah, Huwa is use for Allah, actually in the case, this is the default state is how is supposed to be

Using the feminine word would actually be the problem that would be leaving the natural default state, the truly neutral state in Arabic and going to the unnatural state which is
the feminine form in the Arabic language

So the problem does not exist at all in Arabic and exist certainly in the English language
which is why for you know, since the beginning of the Quran, nobody actually attribute masculinity to Allah, even among the Pagan Arab, they didn't have this problem because they just they know this talking about define being, the word that has to be use for him, appropriate to him has to be one does not limited self to any connotation and that word in Arabic, it certainly be Huwa

We'll still gonna be limited in English, we're gonna have to use the word He because we don't have a better word

that at the end of the day serve one purpose and one purpose alone to me, that is nothing in the end will be truly equivalent to the word of Allah as He revealed it

Barokallahu lii wa lakum..wassalamu'alaykum warohmatullahi wa barokatuhu

Ibu Pulanglah | Parenting Nabawiyah | ustadz Budi Ashari, LC

Pemimpin dunia seperti Umar Bin Khattab, laki-laki tegar, laki-laki yang tegas, tidak pernah berbasa-basi dalam kebenaran itu ternyata sabar, lembut hatinya, dia takluk oleh istrinya

Mari kita lihat sebuah kisah yang ini dikisahkan dinukilkan didalam kitab yang ditulis oleh As Syablanji al Mishri, dalam kitabnya "Nurul Abshar" dan juga Hasyiyah al Bujairimi

Dikisahkan bahwa ada seorang laki-laki yang datang ke rumah Umar bin Khattab ra mau menemui khalifah dan mau mengadu tentang istrinya yang sangat cerewet, istrinya yang sering kali marah-marah

Kemudian begitu sampai di depan rumah Umar, dia hendak mengetuk pintunya, ternyata dia mendengar istrinya Umar pun sedang marah-marah pada Umar, maka laki-laki itu pun pergi, tentu kita semua tahu apa yang ada didalam hatinya dan inilah yang nanti diungkapkan ketika Umar keluar dari pintu rumahnya

Kemudian mengejar laki-laki itu dan mengatakan, "Saudaraku, nampaknya kau ada perlu dengan saya?"

Laki-laki itu bilang "iya, saya ingin mengadukan tentang isri saya yang sering marah-marah pada saya tetapi saya juga mendengar istrimu juga marah padamu maka apa gunanya saya mengadu pada kamu"

Kalimat Umar luar biasa

ini pelajaran, pelajaran mahal, buat para ibu, buat para wanita, kalimat ini menarik sekali

Umar mengatakan "Fainnaha thobakhoh bi tha'ami wa khobazah bi khubzi wa ghossanah bitsaubi wa radho'ah liwaladi"

Ada empat hal mengapa saya sabar terhadap istri saya :

1, karena dialah yang memasakkan makanan saya

2. dialah yang membuatkan, mengadoni sampai memasakkan roti saya

3. dialah yang mencucikan pakaian saya

4. dan dialah yang menyusui anak-anak saya

Empat hal ini, mari kita ulang,

Dialah yang memasakkan makanan saya dan dialah yang membuatkan roti untuk saya, ini urusan dapur

Dialah yang mencucikan pakaian saya, ini urusan sumur

Dan dialah yang menyusui anak-anak saya, ini sebenarnya dalam bahasa kita ini urusan kasur.

Jadi urusan sumur dapur kasur bukan hal yang sederhana,

Tidakkah menjadi pelajaran buat para ibu?

Tidakkah ini menjadi renungan buat para bunda ?

Bahwa ternyata sumur dapur kasur kemuliaan bagi anda

Sumur, Dapur , Kasur, itu yang membuat Umar sabar bahkan dengan semua kekurangan istrinya

Bahkan sabar saat dimarahi istrinya dan kalimat penutup Umar pada laki-laki itu adalah

"Sabar saudaraku, karena itu hanya sesaat kemudian hilang. Kemarahan meluap itu biarkan kemudian setelah itu dia pergi dan hilang, itulah kesabaran,

Berapa banyak hari ini laki-laki apalagi dia pemimpin kepala rumah tangganya kemudian ketika melihat kesalahan istrinya atau istrinya marah maka dia lebih marah dari itu semua

Kalo sudah begitu yang ini marah, ini juga marah, yang ini api dan yang ini keluar apinya, apa yang terjadi ?

Api akan membakar rumah itu

Dan kalau ini terus berlangsung maka tidak ada kalimat "Baiti Jannati" (Rumahku Surgaku)

Yang ada adalah kapal itu mulai retak, dan hampir-hampir saja mau karam kalau tidak segera diselamatkan

Para bunda Para ibu,

yang seharusnya juga kita tadaburi dari kalimat ini

sebenarnya adalah langsung firman Allah SWT

“Dan hendaklah kamu tetap di rumahmu dan janganlah kamu berhias dan bertingkah laku seperti orang-orang Jahiliyah yang dahulu dan dirikanlah shalat, tunaikanlah zakat dan taatilah Allah dan Rasul-Nya. Sesungguhnya Allah bermaksud hendak menghilangkan dosa dari kamu, hai ahlul bait dan membersihkan kamu sebersih-bersihnya” (QS.Al-Ahzab :33)

Melihat ayat ini, mentadabburi ayat ini, sebenarnya kita khawatir sekali, karena ayat ini adalah ayat yang sangat sering kita tolak, ketika Allah berfirman dengan sangat jelas didalam surah Al-Ahzab ayat 33

Kalimatnya sangat jelas "wa qorna fii buyutikun" menetaplah kalian di rumah-rumah kalian, artinya bahwa wanita tempatnya memang di rumah

Ini yang dicoba oleh peradaban hari ini untuk menggiring ibu-ibu untuk keluar dari rumahnya masing-masing dengan semua alasannya,

Dengan alasan ekspresi ilmu di masyarakatnya

Dengan alasan bahwa wanita juga punya hak yang sama dengan laki-laki dan seterusnya

Tapi kita lupa "wa laisa zakaru kal untsa" laki-laki tidak sama dengan perempuan, maka dari itulah hak dan kewajiban mereka pasti ada yang tidak sama, karena tidak sama itulah maka ternyata Allah yang Maha Tahu dan Allah telah meletakkan ternyata tugas para wanita adalah di rumah mereka, tanggung jawab pertama mereka

Maka bukankah sudah saatnya kita dan keluarga kita mulai merenung, mulai mentadabburi

Apakah ini salah satu yang menyebabkan keluarga kita bermasalah

Apakah ini salah satu yang menjadi faktor mengapa anak-anak kita tidak istimewa ?

Maka Ibu, pulanglah...suamimu ingin mereguk di telaga cintamu

Ibu, pulanglah.... diluar sana sangat tidak ramah untuk kelembutanmu

Ibu, pulanglah....istanamu menunggu sentuhan surgawimu

Ibu, pulanglah.... calon orang besar sudah duduk begitu manisnya, siap untuk belajar di madrasahmu

Ibu, pulanglah...pemimpin masa depan umat ini, dia hanya ingin merasakan tatapan teduh pandanganmu

Ibu, pulanglah...Karena Allah yang memerintahkan para ibu untuk pulang

Ibu, Pulanglah..... sebelum semuanya terlambat

SUBSCRIBE ke Pembelajar Quran Channel http:youtube.com/c/PembelajarQuranChannel

Kunjungi website kami di http://pembelajar-quran.blogspot.com

Surah Al Fiil Part 1| Nouman Ali Khan Lectures | Ilustrated Tafseer Quran Juz Amma (Juz 30)

Surah Al Fiil Part 1| Nouman Ali Khan Lectures | Ilustrated Tafseer Quran Juz Amma (Juz 30)

Assalamu'alaykum warohmatullahi wa barokatuhu
A'udzubillahi minas syaithonir rojiim
Bismillaahirrohmaanirrohiim

الم تر كيف فعل ربك باصحاب الفيل
Alam taro kaifa fa'ala robbuka biashhaabil fiil (QS.Al-Fiil :1)
Didn't you see how your lord dealt with the people of the elephant ?

الم يجعل كيدهم في تضليل
Alam yaj'al kaidahum fii tadhlil (QS.Al-Fiil :2)
Didn't He make their plot in waste ?

وارسل عليهم طيرا ابابيل
wa arsala 'alayhim thoiron abaabiil (QS.Al-Fiil :3)
And He sent against them birds herds upon herds

ترميهم بحجارة من سجيل
tarmiihim bihijaarotim min sijjiil (QS.Al-Fiil:4)
Striking them with stones of hard clay

فجعلهم كعصف ماكول
faja'alahum ka'ashfim ma'kuul (QS.Al-Fiil:5)
So (He) made them an empty field of stalks eaten up

So in the beginning insha Allahu ta'ala, there's interesting comment made by Dr Fadil Sholih Hassan ar-Ra'i

“Hiya surotul fiiha ibrotun likulli thohiyyatin mutakabbirin mutajabbir fii kulli ushur wal lazmal”

He says this surah has a warning and a lesson for every rebellious arrogant tyrant that lives in any age and any time in any civillization any nation

So He says, this is not just the surah talking about the oppresion of Abrahah against the Ka'bah but this surah is sending a message to anyone who hopes to,you know, doing oppresion upon civilian population, or overpower one a nation or ruler trying to overpower another nation by means their military power.

With the understanding what they are gonna do to fight against us ? they have no military capability to stand up to us and with that you know assumption with that arrogant assumption

They go in and they don't care about the consequences, you know when a society is not in power, they talk about the Rule of Law and they call people to obey by the Rule of Law. But when a society has power they will say the Law is for everyone else, and we are above the Law, we're beyond the Law and this people would apply some nice things stuff  to buy some special occasions, and who's gonna stop them?

Even when they trample all over the Law and the regulations dare the most powerful, you know,civilization, who's gonna question them? who's gonna question their oppresion? and this is something that has happened throughout history

it's not difficult to see example of that event of our time but this is something

that you know, the surah is trying to explain to us.

Now He gives reason why He thinks this is the key, listen to surah why we should limited to a discussion only of the historical account which of course are critical

liza jaaf fi'il taro, this is why the verb "taro" came,"alam taro" now there are different ways of saying this

The first part of the ayah roughly translated is "Didn't you see?", that's the first part "Didn't you see?" common translation would be "Didn't you see how your lord dealt with the people of the elephant?"

This is probably common translation you heard before but I will commenting only on the first phrase "alam taro" specifically the verb “to see”, that's been use in the present tense, “bisighati mudhori' liddhalalati 'alal istimror wattajadur” and the specific use of that known as English translation come out as past tense, right?

"alam taro" come out as "Didn't you see?" and clearly if you understand English that past tense but in Arabic there's rethorical function here,

And as suppose to saying,"amaroaita" right? you could use the past tense function also but that wasn't use, that use the past tense, it allude something continuous in Arabic rethoric, in balaghoh in linguistic, refers to something that didn't happen once that happens over and over again.

And this surah from  a linguistic point of view, we'll learn something amazing about this surah, how the changing of tenses carry amazing lesson in them.

So that use just of the mudhorri', the present future tense in the Arabic, with the word Lam, regardless the presence of the word lam, indicate that this is not just something to observing think about for that time but for all time

Now we look at some commentary by ash-Shawkani rahimahullah

“wa huwa ta'jibullahu shalallahu 'alayhi wa sallam bima fa'alallaahu lah”, and this is to give the messenger in a sense of amazement and wonder in regards to what Allah himself did with the people of the elephant

"Qod 'alimta yaa Muhammad"

You already know Muhammad shalallahu 'alayhi wa sallam

“aw 'alimannaasa mawjudun fii 'ashrik”

or the people who are present in your time they also know very very well

“wa mim ba'dihim”

and even the people that came after them,

“bima balagohu minal akbaril mutawwatiroh min qishati ashhabi fiihim”,

because of what came to them from continuous narative and narration and people telling the story over and over again of the story of the elephant

“wa ma fa'alallaahu bihim fa ma lakum laa tu'minuun”

this is the last part of ash-Shawkani's commentary. He said just in the "Alam taro kaifa" Allah Azza Wa Jalla, it is as tough he is saying "Didn't you realize what Allah does to his enemy? so whats wrong with you? why don"t you believe in Him?"

you're using that to take pride of How Allah protected His house so why don't you take next step toward iman?

Now finally " Alam yaj'al kaydahum fii tadhliil" (continue to part 2)

SUBSCRIBE Pembelajar Quran Channel http://youtube.com/c/PembelajarQuranChannel

Kunjungi website kami di : http://pembelajar-quran.blogspot.com